Reclaiming Joy: Finding Pleasure Without the Highs and Crashes
- Orli Paling
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
How can I reconnect to joy after years of burnout or numbing?
For many people, the path back to joy feels long and unfamiliar. After years of burnout, chronic stress, or emotional numbing, it can seem as though joy has disappeared altogether. Nothing feels rewarding. Nothing quite lands. The body feels exhausted, and the mind feels flat.
This experience makes sense. When the nervous system has been pushed beyond capacity for a long time, it often moves into survival mode. Energy is conserved. Emotional range narrows. Joy doesn’t disappear because it’s gone forever, it becomes harder to access because the system is focused on getting through the day.
Reclaiming joy usually begins with the body. Before joy can return, awareness has to return. That means gently noticing sensations, emotions, and subtle shifts without forcing anything to feel different. This is where mindfulness becomes important, not as a performance, but as a practice of turning toward what’s already there.
For people who have been numbing for years, reconnecting with the body can feel uncomfortable or even disorienting at first. Dissociation may have been a protective strategy. Because of that, rebuilding awareness needs to happen slowly and safely. Over time, however, noticing the body again allows emotional signals, including joy, to re-enter awareness in manageable ways.
What’s the difference between excitement and peace?
When people think about joy, they often picture excitement. From a nervous system perspective, though, joy can show up in more than one way. Excitement tends to feel activating. The heart rate increases. Breathing becomes quicker. There may be a rush of energy through the body or a feeling of being “amped up.” Excitement can be pleasurable, but it’s also stimulating.
Peace, on the other hand, feels calmer and more settled. The body feels grounded. Breathing slows. There’s a sense of contentment without urgency. Peaceful joy doesn’t demand anything, it allows you to rest inside the moment.
For people recovering from burnout, trauma, or addiction, learning to recognize peaceful joy can be especially important. High-energy excitement may feel familiar, while peace can feel subtle or even unfamiliar. Therapy often supports people in expanding their capacity to experience joy that feels steady rather than intense.
How does healing the reward system make everyday life more fulfilling?
This work often involves recalibrating the brain’s reward system. When someone has spent long periods relying on substances or high-intensity behaviours to cope with stress or emotional pain, the reward system becomes highly up-regulated. The bar for pleasure is set very high. Everyday experiences like good food, music, or connection may barely register.
Over time, and with reduced reliance on disproportionately intense rewards, the nervous system begins to down-regulate. The threshold for pleasure lowers. As a result, everyday experiences become more noticeable and more satisfying. A warm drink. A moment of laughter. A song that lands just right. These experiences start to reach the reward threshold again. Life becomes fuller not because it’s more intense, but because it’s more available.
Therapy supports this process by helping people tolerate the slower pace of healing, stay present with subtle pleasure, and trust that fulfillment doesn’t need to come with a crash afterward.
A common myth: “Joy is something that just happens to you”
Joy doesn’t usually arrive by accident. It’s something that can be cultivated.
This doesn’t mean forcing happiness or pretending things are better than they are. Instead, it means intentionally noticing and creating space for moments that feel rewarding, meaningful, or life-giving.
Joy can show up in small ways:
Completing a task that matters to you
Feeling sunlight after weeks of rain
Hearing a beautiful riff in a song
Sharing a moment of connection
Recognizing effort you put in that day
These moments may seem ordinary, but they matter. The nervous system learns from repetition. The more often joy is noticed, the easier it becomes to access. Over time, deliberately seeking pleasure teaches the brain that joy is safe, sustainable, and worth paying attention to.
Reclaiming joy without the highs and crashes
For many people, reclaiming joy is less about chasing big emotional highs and more about learning to trust steadiness. Joy doesn’t need to overwhelm the system to be real. It can feel quiet, grounded, and deeply satisfying. This kind of joy builds resilience. It supports emotional regulation. It creates fulfillment without depletion.
Healing makes space for pleasure that doesn’t cost you afterward.
Orli is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with over 12 years of experience helping hundreds of clients find long-term sustainable recovery from addiction. She is passionate about providing a safe space for her clients to explore the deepest parts of themselves so they can experience the freedom of living as authentically as possible. Research shows that we develop additional dopamine and serotonin receptors when we’re in meaningful connection with others so if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or ADHD, please reach out because connection is the foundation of recovery.
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