How Avoidance Becomes a Coping Strategy (and What It’s Trying to Protect You From)

Why do I procrastinate or numb out when things get hard?

Most of us have had moments where we know what we should be doing, but everything in us pulls away from it. Maybe we scroll through our phones, busy ourselves with small tasks, or zone out entirely.

This isn’t a personal flaw but a natural response from a brain that’s wired to avoid discomfort and seek relief. When something feels overwhelming, unfamiliar, or emotionally heavy, your mind will look for anything that feels easier or safer in the moment. That’s the essence of avoidance as a coping strategy.

Sometimes that means procrastinating until the pressure gets high enough that cortisol kicks in, giving us the temporary energy or urgency to act. While it “works,” it usually comes at a cost like more anxiety, tighter timelines, and a sense of being pushed into action instead of choosing it.

Avoidance isn’t a lack of effort. It’s your body’s attempt to protect you from discomfort, even if that protection creates new layers of stress.

Is avoidance the same as laziness or lack of motivation?

Not at all. Avoidance often gets mislabeled as laziness, but they’re not the same thing.

Avoidance is usually a coping mechanism shaped by previous experiences, including times when speaking up, taking risks, or asking for what you needed didn’t feel safe.

It can show up in all kinds of situations:

• Avoiding a task that feels overwhelming

• Delaying a difficult conversation

• Pulling back from situations that might lead to conflict

• Sidestepping responsibilities that trigger anxiety or self-doubt

Sometimes we avoid because the task itself is uncomfortable. Other times, we avoid because asserting ourselves or setting boundaries brings up fear: What if this upsets someone? What if I disappoint someone? What if this creates tension I’m not ready for?

Avoidance doesn’t mean you don’t care, or that you’re not motivated. It means something inside you is working very hard to keep you safe, even if the strategy isn’t helpful anymore.

What is my nervous system doing when I freeze?

When people talk about survival responses, they often mention “fight or flight,” but freeze is just as common, especially for people who have learned to stay small, quiet, or compliant to avoid conflict or judgment.

Freezing is that sense of paralysis when you want to act but feel stuck. It’s your nervous system saying:If I stay still, nothing bad can happen. This feels safer than moving toward the unknown.

The challenge is that our bodies respond to modern stressors the same way they once responded to physical danger. A difficult email, a conflict with a friend, or a looming deadline can trigger the same survival patterns our ancestors used for real threats.

Your body isn’t overreacting, it’s relying on an old blueprint. It’s doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect you.

Myth: “Avoidance means I’m not ready or serious about change.”

This misconception can create so much unnecessary shame.

Avoidance as a coping strategy doesn’t mean you’re not committed to growth. It simply means you’ve carried this pattern for a long time, and your nervous system is still learning to trust that it’s safe to approach discomfort instead of pulling away from it.

You can be deeply motivated to change and still struggle with the parts of you that shut down, delay, or retreat. That doesn’t invalidate your effort but highlights how human you are.

How therapy helps you understand and shift away from avoidance as a coping strategy

Therapy offers a steady place to explore where avoidance shows up and why. Instead of trying to “push through,” therapy helps you:

1. Notice patterns without judgment

Awareness is the first step. When you can see avoidance as a coping strategy, not a character flaw, everything softens.

2. Understand what your nervous system is protecting you from

Avoidance usually shields you from fear, risk, conflict, or emotional discomfort. Making sense of that shifts the whole experience.

3. Build tools that help you respond differently

Together, you and your therapist can develop grounding strategies, emotional regulation skills, and scripts for approaching hard tasks or conversations with more clarity and confidence.

4. Create a new relationship with discomfort

Therapy teaches you that discomfort doesn’t have to be dangerous, it can be survivable, meaningful, and temporary.

Avoidance becomes less necessary when you start to feel more supported, resourced, and safe inside your own body.

About the Author

Orli is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with over 12 years of experience helping hundreds of clients find long-term sustainable recovery from addiction. She is passionate about providing a safe space for her clients to explore the deepest parts of themselves so they can experience the freedom of living as authentically as possible. Research shows that we develop additional dopamine and serotonin receptors when we’re in meaningful connection with others so if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or ADHD, please reach out because connection is the foundation of recovery.