Understanding Root Issues in Therapy

Understanding Root Issues in Therapy

Many people come to therapy wondering why they keep reacting in ways that don’t make sense: why they blow up, shut down, or repeat patterns they know aren’t serving them. The truth is, those reactions often have roots in earlier experiences that shaped how you learned to cope, connect, and protect yourself.

In this post, we’ll explore understanding root issues in therapy and how developing emotional awareness can help you make lasting change.

Why do I keep blowing up or shutting down in relationships?

So often, the way we operate in relationships is an indicator of our emotional literacy. If you’ve never heard that term before, emotional literacy refers to your ability to accurately identify and name your emotional experiences.

We can all describe feeling “good” or “bad,” but how good are we at naming the nuances, like optimistic, powerful, playful, or content? Building emotional literacy is one of the first areas of work in therapy. It’s about learning to notice how emotions show up in your body and mind and finding the language to describe them.

When we don’t have tools or words to express emotions safely, those feelings can build until they spill out as a “blow-up” or lead to shutting down entirely. Both are signs that the emotions underneath need acknowledgment and space.

Our bodies give us early cues (like tension, a racing heart, or a pit in the stomach) long before we react. These cues aren’t wrong or bad; they’re signals meant to draw attention to how something is affecting us. When we notice those cues without judgment, we make room for new ways of responding. Over time, you can move beyond the pattern of blowing up or shutting down by tuning into your body and naming what’s really happening inside.

Could my drinking or scrolling be connected to the stuff that happened when I was a kid?

Everything grows from somewhere. Drinking or scrolling might seem like surface-level habits, but they often function as escapes, ways of distancing from difficult emotions or experiences.

If you trace these behaviours back, you may start to notice patterns: when did you first reach for distraction? Was there stress, loneliness, or something painful that made it feel safer to disconnect?

Unprocessed memories or unresolved experiences can stay alive in the body and mind. They might show up as intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, or sensations that are hard to explain. In those moments, substances or screens can offer fast relief because they work really well at numbing discomfort, which is why they can easily become habits.

Therapy helps uncover the why behind these coping strategies. Rather than judging the behaviour, we look at what purpose it’s been serving and explore healthier ways to meet that same need for comfort, connection, or safety.

You can learn more about how therapy can help with coping patterns like addiction and escapism here.

I don’t remember everything about my past, can therapy still help me heal?

Absolutely. Many clients worry that not remembering details from their past means they can’t heal but that’s not true. You don’t need perfect recall to begin meaningful work in therapy.

It’s often said that “we can’t heal what we can’t feel,” and that’s partially true but therapy helps you reconnect with feelings safely, even if memories remain fuzzy. Some approaches, like psychedelic-assisted therapy, can help bring repressed memories into consciousness.

The goal isn’t to dig up everything that’s ever happened to you, it’s to help your mind and body process what’s still affecting you today. Before doing any trauma-focused work, we, as trauma-informed therapists ensure you have the tools and emotional regulation skills you need to manage distress safely.

Therapy is always a collaborative process. We will never take you to a place in your own memory that you don’t feel comfortable going, that is our commitment to facilitating a client-led process, to ensure that you feel in control of the process at all times.

How do I know if what I went through was trauma or if I’m just overreacting?

It’s a common and painful question. Many people minimize their experiences because they believe others had it worse or that they “should be over it by now.”

But trauma isn’t defined by the event itself; it’s defined by your internal experience of that event. As Dr. Gabor Maté explains, “Trauma is not what happens to you; it’s what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you.”

Two people can live through the same situation and walk away with very different internal impacts. What matters is how that event changed you: your beliefs, your sense of safety, or your ability to connect.

When something unexpected, overwhelming, or isolating happens, your brain and body respond in the best way they know how: by protecting you. Those protective responses can look like emotional numbing, hypervigilance, people-pleasing, or avoidance. They’re not signs of overreacting; they’re signs of your nervous system trying to keep you safe. If you’re assessing your reaction to a big event try to remember that typically a trauma response is a normal response to an abnormal event. 

In therapy, we work together to understand those responses with compassion rather than judgment. From that place of awareness, you can begin to develop new ways of relating to yourself and others, ways that feel less reactive and more grounded.

Moving Forward

Understanding root issues in therapy that drive your patterns isn’t about blame, it’s about curiosity. Therapy offers a safe place to explore why you react, cope, or protect yourself the way you do.

As you build emotional literacy and compassion for your story, you’ll start to see patterns not as problems to “fix” but as messages pointing to what still needs care.

If you’re ready to make sense of your reactions and reconnect with the parts of yourself that want to heal, we’re here to help.

About the Author

Orli is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with over 12 years of experience helping hundreds of clients find long-term sustainable recovery from addiction. She is passionate about providing a safe space for her clients to explore the deepest parts of themselves so they can experience the freedom of living as authentically as possible. Research shows that we develop additional dopamine and serotonin receptors when we’re in meaningful connection with others so if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or ADHD, please reach out because connection is the foundation of recovery.