How to Create a Pause Before Old Patterns Take Over
- orlipaling
- Dec 18, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: 15 hours ago
Why It Feels Like There’s No Space Between Feeling and Acting
Most men don’t struggle because they lack willpower. They struggle because the moment between feeling something and reaching for a coping strategy happens so fast that it barely feels like a choice at all. Creating a pause before old patterns take over helps slow that moment down, giving the nervous system space to register what’s happening and opening the door to a different response. And if you’re like many of the men I work with, you’ve probably asked yourself some version of the same question:
“Why can’t I get even a second to breathe before I’m already halfway into the thing I said I’d stop?”
This post isn’t about forcing willpower or muscling through cravings. It’s about learning to create a PAUSE.
A small, steady space where you can see what’s happening inside you and choose something different. That pause is not just a skill; it’s an act of self-awareness and nervous system regulation. It’s also something you can learn.
Below are four key shifts that help men build a real pause between impulse and action.
1. Creating a Pause Before Old Patterns Take Over Starts With Understanding the Pattern
When people think about addiction, they often zoom in on the moment of action. But the chain starts much earlier. Most men I see don’t reach for a drink or distraction out of nowhere; there’s usually a sequence:
trigger → emotional shift → tightening/numbing → urge → automatic action
If you only pay attention to the urge, you’re already late to the party. The pause begins by recognizing the earlier signs. They might be subtle tightening in the chest, restless energy, a dip in mood, or self-critical thoughts. You don’t need to stop the urge. Just name the pattern as it starts:
“Okay, I feel that pressure building.”
“I’m getting agitated.”
“I feel disconnected and empty.”
“This is the moment where I usually go on autopilot.”
This is about building a map so you’re not walking blindfolded into the same ditch.
2. Shift From Control to Curiosity
Trying to “stop” yourself often backfires. The nervous system doesn’t respond well to force when it’s already overloaded. A more effective move starts with curiosity and just noticing. Instead of fighting the urge, try asking:
What am I actually feeling right now?
Where is this showing up in my body?
What’s the part of me that’s reaching for relief trying to protect?
Men are often surprised to discover that the urge is less about the substance and more about the emotion underneath:
the shame spike after a mistake
the loneliness that shows up late at night
the exhaustion after trying to hold everything together
the anger that feels too dangerous to express
Curiosity creates just enough space for a micro-pause. And micro-pauses stack.
3. Anchor Yourself in the Body
If you’ve ever tried to think your way out of a craving, you know how ineffective that can be. Thoughts move too fast. The body is slower and can therefore be a more effective place to turn when trying to change habits.
Here are two simple grounding practices that help you shift from automatic reaction to embodied awareness:
Feel your feet on the ground
Take 5–10 seconds to drop attention into the soles of your feet and notice:
pressure
warmth
contact
weight
This immediately slows the nervous system and interrupts the autopilot sequence.
Half-breath pause
Instead of taking a long, dramatic breath, try a small inhale followed by a slower, slightly longer exhale. No one will notice you doing it, but your body will.
These aren’t “mindfulness hacks.” They're ways of reconnecting to yourself. They help you feel here just enough to make a conscious choice rather than a reactive one.
4. Create an Alternative Path: Choosing Something Before the Substance
The pause becomes much more doable when you give yourself a next step that’s not the coping behaviour but also not as demanding as total abstinence. Think of it as a “pre-decision.”
Before acting on the urge, try doing one small thing:
drink a glass of water
step outside for one minute
text one safe person
sit down on the floor
splash cold water on your face
walk to another room
The point is not to replace your coping strategy with a “healthy behaviour.” The point is to interrupt the momentum long enough to let your body settle.
Here’s the key: You’re not promising not to use. You’re promising to check in first.
That check-in is the pause. That pause is the doorway to choice. Choice is where change actually starts.
The Pause Isn’t Perfection, It’s a Practice
If you’re used to reacting quickly and seeking relief the moment you feel overwhelmed, learning to pause might feel uncomfortable, or even pointless at first. But every small pause helps build self-awareness.
It’s you saying, “Before I disappear into this old pattern, I want to at least check in with myself.”Over time, those moments add up. They build a different kind of trust in yourself, one based on awareness and choice.
Download my guide for creating a pause before old patterns take over:
Geordie is a compassionate, non-judgmental Registered Clinical Counsellor who works deeply with adult men navigating emotional patterns, expectations, and the pressures of modern life. He believes every person’s journey toward wellness is unique, and his role is to walk alongside you with curiosity, respect, and support as you explore vulnerable places and make sense of stubborn patterns. Before joining OP Counselling, Geordie’s background included frontline mental health work in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, years as a touring musician and band manager, and experience teaching music to children and youth with diverse needs, all of which have shaped his ability to hold safe, grounded space for clients.
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