Do I have a drinking problem or am I just stressed?

This is one of the most common questions I hear from men: “Do I actually have a drinking problem, or am I just dealing with a lot of stress?”

The honest answer is that there isn’t one clear set of rules that applies to everyone. Drinking exists on a spectrum, and whether it’s an issue is deeply personal. What matters most isn’t how much you drink compared to others, it’s how alcohol fits into your life, your values, and where you want to go.

Rather than starting with labels, I find it more useful to start with questions.

How Do I Know If My Drinking Is a Problem?

One way to think about this is to look at conflicts. I don’t just mean with other people (thought that is a good sign too,) but also internal conflicts with other important areas of life. If your life includes alcohol but it isn’t interfering with your work, your relationships, your physical health, or your emotional well-being and you feel aligned with how you’re living, then there may not be an issue for you.

But when drinking begins to compete with other domains, it’s worth paying attention. I often invite people to check in across a few key areas:

• Psychological: Are your thoughts becoming darker or more rigid? Do you notice increased self-criticism or hopelessness?

• Emotional: How is your overall mood? Are you more irritable, flat, anxious, or disconnected than you’d like to be?

• Somatic (Body): How does your body feel: energy levels, sleep, recovery, tension?

• Behavioural: Are you showing up the way you want to at work and in relationships?

• Values: Do you feel like your life is moving in the direction that matters to you?

Another important signal is how you feel about yourself. Many people describe waking up with a sense of shame. Not “I made a mistake,” but “I don’t like who I am.” When alcohol consistently pulls you away from self-respect or alignment, that’s meaningful information.

When Does Stress Drinking Become Alcoholism?

I find it helpful to think about this less in terms of diagnostic categories and more in terms of motivation and control. A useful distinction here is between impulsivity and compulsivity. Both involve reduced choice, but they feel different internally.

• Impulsivity is moving toward something for pleasure or enjoyment. It’s instinctive and not always problematic. In fact, learning to trust healthy instincts is often part of therapy.

• Compulsivity, on the other hand, is moving toward something to escape or reduce pain. Alcohol becomes a way to manage distress rather than a source of enjoyment.

Stress drinking tends to cross into more problematic territory when alcohol becomes the primary or only way you can cope with stress. If every stressful moment automatically leads to drinking, and it feels hard or impossible to tolerate stress without it, that’s an important signal.

Physiologically, alcohol can reinforce this cycle. Early on, it can feel energizing and relieving. Over time, however, its depressant effects become more prominent: slower thinking, lower mood, poorer sleep, and increased stress the next day. As tolerance increases, alcohol can actually amplify the very stress it was meant to relieve.

A simple question to ask yourself is: Can I face stress without alcohol, or has alcohol become my main tool?

Do I Need to Hit Rock Bottom Before Getting Help?

No, you don’t need to hit rock bottom to seek support.

In fact, one of the challenges with “rock bottom” is that you never know where it is. It can be much lower and much more frightening than expected. Waiting until substances stop working as a coping tool can leave folks in a much scarier place than they ever expected.

Seeking help earlier doesn’t mean declaring defeat. It means building a framework before things feel unmanageable. Even beginning to explore your relationship with alcohol can provide options and stability, rather than starting from scratch during a crisis.

If you sense a rock bottom might be coming, that awareness alone can be enough

reason to reach out.

Myth: “If I Had a Real Addiction, It Would Be Obvious”

This is one of the most persistent myths around addiction.

Some people experience very visible, rapid consequences that force a decision quickly. But many others develop patterns slowly, over years, in ways that are culturally normalized and socially invisible. These are the covert killers. Drinking can appear similar on the surface, yet affect people very differently. What matters is how alcohol is impacting your ability to live the life you want.

If you’ve noticed that drinking is holding you back and you’re struggling to change it despite wanting to, that’s worth exploring. Addiction doesn’t have to be life-threatening to be meaningful. A helpful reframe is this: If you’re asking the question, it’s worth inspecting the answer. Curiosity is often the beginning of change.

About the Author

Geordie Hart is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) based in Vancouver and works across British Columbia. His work focuses on helping people better understand their patterns, build emotional stability, and live more aligned, meaningful lives. Geordie draws from attachment-informed, values-based, and depth-oriented approaches, and is especially interested in how motivation, meaning, and relationships shape mental health. Outside of counselling, Geordie is a musician and outdoor enthusiast, and believes lasting change happens through curiosity, honesty, and compassion.