Do I Have to Quit Drinking to Start Counselling?
"I don't think it's a big deal. I just drink to unwind."
When someone sits down and says something like that, I think the first thing that goes through my head is, you might be right. It might not be a big deal.
And then I get curious. I find myself wondering, who said that it's a big deal? And maybe more than that, what are you unwinding from?
If you've been thinking about your drinking, even a little, you've probably also wondered what would happen if you actually brought it up with someone. Whether they'd tell you to stop. Whether you'd walk out with a label you don't agree with. Whether you'd have to decide, right there in the room, that you have a problem.
If you're still trying to figure out whether your drinking is a problem at all, my colleague Geordie's post on weekend drinking is a good place to start. But if part of you is wondering what counselling for drinking would look like, that's what I want to talk about here.
Do I Need to Quit Drinking Before Counselling?
Just because you're reaching out doesn't mean you have to have stopped drinking first. And if you came to see me, I wouldn't make that decision for you.
I think a lot of people assume that coming to a counsellor about drinking means they'll have to call themselves an alcoholic, or be ready to quit, or sit across from someone who's quietly judging them. I understand where that comes from. It's the picture most of us have of what getting help for alcohol looks like.
But there's no judgement on my end about your drinking. What I'd want is to really, really understand your relationship with it. Where it came from and how it started. What you enjoy about it. And how it's serving you, and maybe protecting you from whatever might be underneath it.
I'm mostly talking about drinking here, because it's what comes up most often. But the same goes for cannabis, or anything else you've come to rely on to switch off.
What Does Counselling for Drinking Actually Look Like?
Going back to that first session. When someone tells me they just drink to unwind, I'm not trying to convince them there's a problem, and I'm not assuming they're minimizing it. I might say something like, "That makes sense. Sometimes a drink feels like the first chance you get to switch off. What does unwinding look like for you? What do you notice changes after you've had a drink?"
And then, at some point: "Was there something that made you want to talk about it today?"
What I'm listening for is what the drinking is doing, because I feel like it's almost always doing something. Maybe it quiets the pressure you put on yourself. Maybe it helps you feel less self-conscious, or makes loneliness easier for a few hours. For a lot of the people I work with, in Vancouver and across BC, it's the one time their mind actually slows down.
Once I've really understood that, I get curious about the other side too. What is it costing you? How is it getting in the way of the relationships you want to have, or the relationship you want to have with yourself?
We look at both of those together. And I'll be honest with you if something concerns me. I just won't skip past the part where it made sense.
Can Therapy Help If I Don't Want to Quit Drinking?
I think so, yes. In my last post, I wrote about AEDP, the approach I use, and how it works with what's happening underneath a pattern, not just the pattern itself. This is kind of what that looks like with drinking.
Instead of treating the drink as the problem to fix, coming to me about drinking means getting curious about it, together. Is your wanting to drink coming from a place that feels aligned and authentic to you? Or is it filling in a gap, something there might be other ways of filling?
I don't know the answer to that before we start, and you don't have to either.
Something I notice is that there can be a shift when someone realizes I'm actually interested in why drinking makes sense to them. They don't have to spend the whole session defending it. And once the defending stops, there's usually more room to talk about what they've been carrying.
For some people, that eventually leads to drinking less, or stopping. If you get there, my colleague Orli has written about what recovery looks like beyond abstinence. But that isn't where we have to begin.
What If I'm Not Sure I want to Stop Drinking?
That's okay. Honestly, I think that's where a lot of people start.
You don't have to wait until things fall apart. You don't have to prove your drinking is bad enough to deserve support. You can be doing well in a lot of areas of your life and still have questions about this one.
You also don't need a polished explanation or a clear goal when you walk in. Even something like, "Part of me is worried, and part of me doesn't want anything to change," gives us somewhere to begin. Both of those parts are welcome.
If you're not ready to talk to anyone yet, our drinking and drug use self-assessment is something you can do on your own, in your own time.
And if you are, I guess I'd leave you with the same question I'd ask in the room: what do you think you might be unwinding from?
If something here felt familiar, I'd be glad to hear more about it.
About the Author
Kimia Mohammadpour is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at OP Counselling Services in Vancouver, BC, offering virtual counselling across British Columbia and in-person sessions in East Vancouver. She works with high-performing individuals, former competitive athletes, and people navigating addiction and identity transitions, particularly those who have spent years managing their way through things and are beginning to wonder what's underneath it. Her approach is grounded in AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy), a relational approach that works experientially in the moment with what's happening in the room rather than just talking about things that happened, accessing the emotional patterns underneath, not just the thoughts.
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